Anger and Communication

How do you approach anger?  How do you communicate with others?

From my previous posts, you know that I recently finished the book, Discpline without Distress.  Dealing with anger and communication come up throughout the book.  I do not plan on going into more detail on the book.  However, I bring the book up again because it relates very nicely with the lessons my oldest is learning.

Sims is taking an Outdoor Leadership class through Latta Plantation Nature Center.  Last week, the class reviewed the different communication styles including aggressive, assertive, passive and passive aggressive.   Obviously, I was not a part of the class, but Sims and I did discuss the different communication styles.  The styles were discussed in the book I read as well, so it was fun to have a discussion about each communication style.  It is times like this that I realize how much my “little boy” is growing up!

So what are these communication styles and what styles do you typically use?

Aggressive– Do you push your opinion on others?  Do you use force to get your way?  Do you make excuses?  Are most problems someone else’s fault and not your fault?  Do you use harsh language or violence when things do not go your way? Do you feel the need to control others?

Assertive-Are you comfortable asking for what you want/need?  Do you take the time to be respectful to yourself and to others-even when angry?  Are you able to stop and take a breath and think before you act?  Are you able to accept that you have weakness but also aware of your strengths? And of others?  DO you realize that you can actually only control yourself?

Passive-Do you hold your feelings in?  Do you avoid all conflict?  Do you apologize for things that you have no control over and/or was not your fault?  Do you take the blame for things that you know are not your fault?

Passive-aggressive– Do you apologize but then resent the fact that you apologized?  Do you use sarcasm to deal with issues?  Do you avoid a conflict but not in a quiet way (such as muttering under your breath, slamming a door)?  Do you feel like a martyr when conflict arises?  Do you avoid a conflict or addressing a person but continue to complain about the issue?

I found through much contemplation that I use all of these methods of communication.  When I am tired or hungry, I am aggressive.  I snap and then I begin to yell.  Thankfully, this is not too often (at least that is what the kids said when we were discussing these methods).  I tend to be more assertive with the kids. I am able to get my point across most of the time using my words and remaining calm.  I am not sure when I am passive, but I am sure that I am at some point.  Now comes the doozy.  Passive aggressive!  Oh yes, I am a user of sarcasm.  I am trying desperately to decrease my sarcasm.  I mainly use it with adults as my kids do not understand it so they take it very personally.  Definitely not my finest trait and one that I am honestly working on.  Obviously, I am a work in progress!


5 thoughts on “Anger and Communication

  1. My boyfriend is either agressive or passive-agressive in conflicts. I tend to be more passive with adults, but assertive with my kids. Agressive only comes when the kids have driven me bonkers. It’s interesting though.

    Sarcasm is well understood in our house, but we only use it for humor. The kids have learned it well enough to use it with each other in a funny, playful way. I think they’d be pretty hurt if it was ever used in anger though. What an interesting topic to consider.


    • We use sarcasm for humor also- never to be mean, at least not intentionally. However, I have one kiddo who does not get sarcasm so he thinks we are being mean at times-thus, we are trying to stay away from it. 🙂


      • Yeah, I have one that doesn’t get it. He just thinks I’m crazy, thankfully. I can’t imagine getting rid of sarcasm, as much as I’ve tried in the past.


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